If ya ain't creatin... ya must be hatin...
WTF! If you're unhappy...why stay?
Okay, so I was talking to a friend of mine today...well it was actually a spin-off from a convo we started last week. The gist of it is that he's unhappy in his relationship of 8 years. He lives with his lady and their 6 year old daughter and complained that even though they live together, conversation is minimal and usually only consists of talking about domestic responsibilities (grocery shopping, laundry, etc.) They hang out separately on the weekends, but occasionally when they hang out together...lots of alcohol is involved. They hardly ever sleep in the same bed because he prefers the couch and last but not least...sex is non-existent.
I am BY NO MEANS an expert on relationships, but I am a good listener. So I listened an asked two questions. My first question was "does she know you're not happy?" and his response was "yes, we talk and things change temporarily, but then everything goes back to the norm." So my second question was "so, what are you doing to help fix your relationship?" and he said "I'm tired of trying so I'm just 'there' because of my daughter and I hope things change soon!" Huh??
I can't tell you how many times I've heard similar stories! I know people who have been together 10+ years and go through this. I know people who are married and go through this. WTF! I don't know...
What are your thoughts? Why do you think people stay in relationships for years on end if they're unhappy?
Please share, because I'm sure this topic will come up again...
I am BY NO MEANS an expert on relationships, but I am a good listener. So I listened an asked two questions. My first question was "does she know you're not happy?" and his response was "yes, we talk and things change temporarily, but then everything goes back to the norm." So my second question was "so, what are you doing to help fix your relationship?" and he said "I'm tired of trying so I'm just 'there' because of my daughter and I hope things change soon!" Huh??
I can't tell you how many times I've heard similar stories! I know people who have been together 10+ years and go through this. I know people who are married and go through this. WTF! I don't know...
What are your thoughts? Why do you think people stay in relationships for years on end if they're unhappy?
Please share, because I'm sure this topic will come up again...
Comment
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Comment by WonShot on October 31, 2008 at 3:34pm -
On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
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Comment by WonShot on October 31, 2008 at 3:30pm
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Let me clear. When I stated that, it was with the best case scenario in mind. See, I envisioned a couple in there later years, after being together for 40-50 years, looking back and laughing at the 3-5 of hell they took each other through. If you can honestly look in your partner's eyes and see that horizon, then tough it out. Do what you can to better yourself AND the relationship and your work will pay itself off.
Now, if you don't see that, don't want that or clearly see that your partner is not on that page with you, then cut your losses. It's going to hurt now, and that's what I think most people try to avoid. But tryin is lyin, baby!
The longer you wait, the more it will hurt... PERIOD!
Being in a relationship, whether you are married, "shackin" or whatever, does not mean that you have to give up your personal identity. I'll be back in a minute with something that hits the home run on this... for me at least.
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Comment by Fe on October 30, 2008 at 11:06pm -
Yes, you're right...when you commit you except the flaws of your significant other. I think that's a great thing & have been there so I can speak from experience... but don't you think after years of unhappiness he kinda loses himself?
Not sure if it's up and running, if he's been hanging in & working at it for YEARS...
What are your thoughts?
Oh yeah and I agree...some people are just freaks for that shit! Well put! LOL
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Comment by WonShot on October 30, 2008 at 5:50pm
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I think people stay in relationships in hopes that things will change. When you commit to someone, you have to accept their faults as well, to an extent. You don't just up and run when things get a little tough.
That said, it is not healthy to ALWAYS be on the accepting side when it comes to faults. Your partner should recognize his/her faults and be working on them. I don't know the situation, but if your friend is dealing with the same shit now that he did 8 years ago... it's time to reevaluate things.
As the why tho... I don't know...
Some people just freaks for that shit, lol
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